The Shape of the Journey

When I look back at this picture of me, yes, I see a deep backbend.  But I also see all the work it took me to get there. 

 

I was at a point in my life and yoga career that all I did was practice asana and meditate all day long.  It was a time where I was shedding layers of emotional and physical pain.  I was getting to know myself in all its raw, real humanness. 

 

This picture reminds me of all the literal sweat and tears that I went through to get to a point where I could make this silly shape with my body.  But it wasn't really ever about being able to make the shape.  It was the journey that it allowed me to go on.  It was the insight it brought me.  It was the ability to slow down and get intimate with my mind in a way that I honestly avoided.  I faced fear and was able to breathe calmly while in it.

 

I was not flexible growing up.  When I first saw a picture of full chakrasana, I told my friend jokingly that one day I was going to do it.  At that point in my practice, backbends brought up so much fear and anxiety that the mere thought that I might be able to overcome that and enjoy them was laughable.

 

Fast forward to now, 2 children and many years later.  Nope, I cannot still do that pose.  I haven't even tried and I'm completely ok with that.  One day, I may have that same curiosity about making this shape again or I might not. But the journey within is still there each time I meet myself on my mat. It just takes a different shape.